The past year has been filled with a lot for me. A 5-year relationship came to an end, I changed jobs twice (after getting laid off), I fostered a ton of dogs, took my first solo trip, became really close to an old friend again, and basically just figured a lot of my shit out.

I didn’t intend on taking the whole year off from blogging but that’s just what needed to happen.  I wasn’t ready to give any type of insight or advice to other people since some days I couldn’t even get myself motivated to change out of my sweats and leave the house.

I finally feel like I’m in a good place again. I feel more peaceful, more purposeful, more fulfilled.

We all need to remember to give ourselves a pat on the back for everything we do and everything we overcome. We’re stronger than we know. We’re more amazing than we give ourselves credit for.

One of the things that helped me the most over the past while was going on a solo trip. Taking the time to hit the reset button, be able to collect my thoughts while being in a new and beautiful environment, being able to take a real break, was the best thing I could have asked for.

I went to a beautiful resort in Mexico, Iberostar Tucan, for a week. Everything was gorgeous! The sun, the beach, the food, the pool, everything! This was my first time going to Mexico and I would definitely go back!

There are 3 things I never would have learned about myself, had I not gone on this trip.

I actually like being alone  

I am an extrovert. I love being surrounded by people I know and care about. I love holding a conversation with someone. I love being the center of attention (don’t judge me, haha).

Imagine my surprise when I went a week without really having any deep interaction with anyone... and I survived. I even enjoyed it!!

I did talk to people here and there, but that wasn’t my main focus. My main focus was me. It was so relaxing to just be by myself.

I spent a lot of time reading, did some writing, napped a lot (surprise surprise), laid out in the sun, and really just organized my thoughts. It felt really good and was so necessary!

I usually spend a lot of my time trying to keep busy, not allowing myself to really get a grip on what’s going on in my head, but you can’t live like that 24/7.

The idea of “being alone with your thoughts” might not seem like the most fun thing you could do. But trust me, once you get it all sorted out and have a really good conversation with yourself about how you’re feeling, what you’re afraid of, what you want out of life, and the type of person you want to be, it’s unbelievably refreshing!

I'm more confident about my body than I give myself credit for  

I’ve always been a fairly confident person. It’s just the way I was raised. Everyone I surrounded myself with reminded me that I was loved, was valuable, and could do whatever I put my mind to.

Throughout my life, I held my head high because I believed in myself and knew my worth. I knew I was a good friend, a kind-hearted, easy going, person, someone with compassion and empathy... the list goes on. It didn’t matter what other people said or thought about me because I knew that didn’t change who I was.

There’s only one thing I’m self-conscious about, and that’s my body.

I’m coming to terms with it changing. I grew up a skinny kid. I could eat what I wanted and not worry about it. Of course, that can’t last forever. It wasn’t until someone who was very close to me pointed this out, that it hurt me.

I let someone else put their own insecurities on me. I let someone else make me feel insecure about gaining weight because they were so strict on themselves for gaining it.

After this, I wanted to hide in fear that I was the only one who felt confident about how I looked. I thought maybe I was wrong in thinking it didn’t matter how big my love handles were or how many rolls my stomach had. Maybe I was wrong and I should have felt shame about my body.

That’s a load of garbage.

I had to get over these insecurities quickly if I didn’t want to sweat to death in the Mexican heat. It was nothing but bathing suits, shorts, tank tops, and sundresses for an entire week. I loved every minute of it!!

The first day or two I was worried people would be staring too long, judging the way my body looked, but when I realized I didn’t owe these strangers anything, I just didn’t care anymore.

I don’t need to explain to someone why my body looks the way it does. I don’t have to explain to them ‘well, I used to be thin but then I gained a lot of weight’. I don’t have to apologize for the way my body looks either. People will either not care or they will. I have no control over that, so I might as well accept it for what it is.

My body is beautiful no matter what anyone else says about it. Period. End of discussion.

I'm in my own way

This one is harder to swallow.

I always wanted to travel alone. I always envied those people that saw the world. I craved the feeling of freedom and independence that would come with stepping on a plane and landing somewhere new, all on my own.

I was the only thing stopping me. I was the only one that could buy that plane ticket. It wasn’t money problems, relationships, work obligations, nobody to watch my pets, or any other excuse I could come up with. It was me.

The same goes for everything else in the world that I want or think I can’t achieve. I’m in my own damn way.

I look at all these other people, doing and having the things I want, and I think to myself “why can’t I have that life?”. Because I’m not letting myself. It’s that simple.

I can be one of those people that travel, that works for themselves, that takes advantage of every opportunity, but only if I let myself.

It’s not an easy thing to realize, that you’re in your own way. It takes a lot of guts and a lot of courage. It’s so much easier to place the blame somewhere else. But once you realize that it’s all up to you, you’ll finally be able to get out of your own way and get the things you want.