You’re at a party. It’s a nice party, though it maybe has too many people for your liking. You’re not sure how you got talked into coming, but since you’re already here, you try to socialize. How hard can it be, right? So you approach people, you try to talk. But damn, what kind of subject do you start? What’s popular these days? Do you talk about the movies? Wait, too predictable, frivolous. Okay, maybe the politics? Damn, not any good either, that’s too serious. But quick, there’s a cute person right there, you have to say something, anything. So you, in all your glory and wisdom, your palms sweating, your heart beating, finally manage to blurt out: “Hey! Lovely weather we’re having today, eh?!” And of course, the music stops at that moment, your head spins at the sheer awkwardness, and the person you tried talking to just stares at you for a few moments, clearly uncomfortable, and then they murmur some sort of an agreement and practically escape to the other room. And with that, you realize you’re doomed to a life of solitude with only a dozen cats as your companions. But hold on, not all is lost.
The ancient mystery of meeting new people
Alright, alien from another planet, how do you go about understanding these strange creatures that call themselves the human race? Well, you begin by taking small steps. Get out of the house and just get used to spending time around others. You won’t go far if you just sit at home and cower in fear. Other people are just as terrified as you are, and most of them aren’t mean bastards – they actually want to hang out. Start by asking a cashier at the store how her day is going. Chat with bank tellers, waiters, clerks, people whose job it is to be nice. If you’re not sure how to start a conversation a compliment is always a good idea. Don’t try to give a fake one either, just mention something you genuinely like about another person.
Most of the social anxiety comes from overthinking things, of being afraid of rejection. And since the good old “just don’t be afraid” is pretty useless advice, here’s another one – just practice. Talk to random people, ask questions. If you see someone checking out a book you’ve already read in a bookstore, why not chat them up and give your opinion? You will absolutely get rejected occasionally and it won’t go smooth in the beginning, but that’s why you need to do it. To understand that it’s genuinely not a big deal, that you’re not less of a person.
The horrible, puzzling riddle of public speaking
Okay, so you’ve levelled up and you can now handle small talk and chatting in normal situations. But the big, fat monster that is public speaking still haunts your dreams and makes you sweat. Here you want to approach things in an organized manner. If you have to hold a speech or lead a meeting, then make a lot of notes, write down everything you want to go over, and practice. Look at the mirror and talk. When you’re washing the dishes or doing other chores, talk. Focus on a pattern, the way your voice flows, the rhythm of your sentences. Be concise and be clear. You don’t need to be a poet, you just need to get your point across. If you prepare, you’re a lot less likely to fail.
The terrifying enigma of dating
Excellent, your speeches are now on par with the world’s greatest diplomats and it’s only a matter of time you submit the planet to your will with the power of your silver tongue. That’s great and all, but you still don’t have a date and those twelve cats are starting to meow your name. So how does one avoid all those embarrassing dating mistakes and become a smooth, sexy master of seduction? You do that by focusing on your partner. The best way to get out of your own head is to focus on someone else’s. Be kind and optimistic, ask them questions about what they like, what they do. And here’s the key – give feedback. Don’t just grunt and nod to acknowledge what they said, comment on it. Give opinions and ask them for more info. Be open and honest, you don’t have to share every interest to have fun together and if they like something that you don’t, don’t lie about it. Instead, just ask them why they like it and learn from them. Don’t be clingy and don’t try to push your date into moving faster than they’re comfortable with. Just relax, enjoy yourself, and see where you get.
Social interaction, same as anything else, is mostly about practice. When in doubt, do remember that other people are scared too, that you aren’t nearly as bad as you think, and that, if nothing else, cats have very soft fur and make great pets.
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This guest post was written by Roxana Oliver.
Roxana is a travel enthusiast and lifestyle consultant from Sydney and she loves to write about her adventures. She is all about the healthy lifestyle, loves to run with her husband and dogs and has fun cooking exotic meals for her family. Being a typical Aussie, she often hits the waves and loves beaches and sunshine! You can find out more about her writing following her on Twitter and Facebook. She is also one of the editors at Higstylife Magazine.
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